By a show of hands, how many of you have lied about your name to a guy at a bar who thinks he saw you on Tinder? Oh a bunch of you?
Dating apps are great. Dating apps are dangerous. Dating apps are stressful AF.
Apps like Tinder, Bumble and Hinge have become so normalized in today’s day in age. One of the great things about dating apps is that they are so easy to set up. They are quick and painless, with no real hard-pressing questions or decisions that need to be made. Your options are LEFT or RIGHT…and I guess Super Like, but that’s just a little thirsty for me.
Is this how we choose our partners now? Do we continue to let this become our norm? Or am I overthinking this?
Honestly, both a possibility.
So, when is the right time to decide between the boo and the app?
Around the same time that Tinder came out, I entered a pretty serious relationship. We threw our heads back and laughed at all the peasants who still used Tinder, and toasted to the success of finding love without using our iPhones. However, Tinder came between us, many times.
In our first few weeks of awkward dating, I brought up dating apps. I knew he was important to me, and that I wanted to see him exclusively, so I deleted all my apps right away. He however, had some reservations with letting go. One night, we argued until I was blue in the face for him to delete it. I was convincing someone who I cared so deeply for, who I already knew had feelings for me, to choose me over an app on his phone. That’s twisted.
His point of view was that he was scared to dive into our relationship. He was nervous to admit that he had fallen for me, too. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, even though I have heard this from other guys before.
It’s fair though; while girls get to use the “crazy” card, boys get to use the “scared-of-falling-in–love” card.
It took him a few weeks to finally let go of Tinder, and yes, in case you were wondering, he admitted he was wrong for taking so long. But this is not the last time that Tinder would come between us.
On a tequila-filled Cinco de Mayo, the boyfriend and I got into a little spat. I honestly can’t remember what the fight was about because I had just challenged my girlfriends to a Margarita chugging contest, but there was a fight, and my boyfriend was no longer sitting at our table with us.
I walked outside of the restaurant and found him outside. He had his head down, a smoke dangling out of his mouth, and he seemed very infatuated with his phone. When I stepped closer to him, I noticed he was on Tinder. This was his I’m done, f*ck you message to me.
Now, I will let you imagine how the rest of the night went, but yes his phone did end up in a snow bank. Who placed it there, you decide.
So rather than using our worlds like the adults we always pretended to be, he found it best to hurt me by bringing this app back into the picture. He was already on to the next one, viciously swiping left and right. My phone went off in a frenzy, because my friends were already noticing him on their own feeds. I was filled with embarrassment.
We worked things out (gross, bad idea) and that was that.
Recently, our relationship came to a crashing and disastrous end over issues beyond our dating app saga (thank f*ck) and we have fought about Tinder twice since that time. This app was designed to bring people together, but it can be used as a weapon.
Deciding between what is more important, an app or a person, is not ideal. However, it’s our reality. It is how we manage it, that will prove both our maturity and our readiness to really embrace a dating culture that involves technology.
Clearly, my ex and I were not up for the challenge.
Sam again: Thanks so much, Juliette! Y’all go check her out at www.julietteknows.com.