Sam: I’m so excited to welcome another blogger sharing her trials and tribulations in app dating. Her story gives me hope, so I think it will give y’all hope too. Thanks to Laura Keller for being open & honest.
Laura: Tinder is a wonderful way to kill time, drool over boys, and be far more judgey than we should be. You swipe and you swipe, then you eventually work up the nerve to actually go out and meet these profiles…I mean people. And occasionally, one of these people turn out to be worth meeting.
Here’s a tale of caution from my time on Tinder that will hopefully help you to not ruin meeting a worthwhile person.
It was a Monday evening spent swiping from the comfort of my plush couch. I had plans to go out with a new guy the next night. Let’s call him Rick for the sake of anonymity. I shouldn’t have been on Tinder this Monday night. The conversation with Rick had been comfortable and intriguing. He talked about how he was house- and dog-sitting in one of my favorite town centers. We talked about tattoos and music. It was natural. But then I got a message from, Bill. I don’t remember the details of the conversation, but somehow he convinced me to get off my lazy bum, get dressed, and meet him at World of Beer. The only place that has a beer I actually like.
I walked in and saw him immediately, his perfect white smile beaming. As I walked towards Bill, I noted a man on a laptop at the front of the restaurant area. I thought it a strange place to work with Starbucks around the corner. A simple thought, nothing to it. Bill and I ordered some drinks and began one of those dreadful interview-style Tinder dates. He was nice enough and interesting, but I couldn’t tell you a single thing about him today.
About 10 minutes or so into our date, I see this tattooed arm walk by and felt this man staring at me as he passed.
It was Rick. The guy on the laptop.
He said nothing. My heart raced. I said nothing. Why the hell did I agree to go on a date with Bill in the same town center I knew Rick was house-sitting!? Why did I feel the need to go on two dates with two different people that week!?
Bill and I kept chatting for a bit. The date came to an uneventful end. I don’t even know if we kissed. Who cares. We didn’t talk after this night.
I got in my car to a few texts waiting on my phone. Rick, as he had every right to do, called me out on seeing someone else. Now you may think what’s it matter? It’s Tinder, people date a lot of people. But not when they have such a natural connection with someone else they have plans with…Or at least they shouldn’t.
Rick and I texted for hours that night. He explained he didn’t want to try to date someone who was still playing the field. I explained that I didn’t care to see Bill again or to keep swiping. So Rick and I kept our Tuesday night date plans.
After work that Tuesday, I went to the gym with my friend Holly. We worked out longer than we planned and I was going to be rushing to be on time for my date with Rick. Then I stepped outside. IT WAS POURING. In the end, I was 20 minutes late, soaking wet, and wearing an ugly work sweater when I arrived at Vapiano’s to meet Rick. He didn’t complain once. The conversation was great. I really enjoyed his company. It went very well, there was chemistry there. At the end of the night he dropped me off at my car and we went our separate ways.
Rick and I fizzled within a week, only going out that once. I wonder if I hadn’t gone for a beer with Bill if that would have been different….
But that doesn’t matter, because what happened next makes it all irrelevant. I met my now-fiance on Tinder and again on Happn.
To be continued…..
In my days of Tinder binges after a fairly significant heart break I came across Peter. He was a photographer with a motorcycle. We talked A LOT. But I never followed through on making plans with him. My life was what I would call a hot mess. I was recently single and had just accepted a new job. A deploying job. So, I committed one of the worst Tinder sins. I ghosted him. A couple months later I got back with my ex and deployed to a different continent.
Skipping details, it didn’t work out with my ex when I got back to the US. Back on the apps I went. This time it was Happn. I was swiping or scrolling (I don’t even remember how this app works, I wasn’t on it long) and I saw a face I recognized. Peter. I thought “He probably doesn’t want to hear from me.” I messaged him any way. He asked where the heck I had disappeared to a year ago. Once we got through that we immediately made plans to meet. Because why not try to date the girl who ghosted you? Thank heavens that Peter is a forgiving man.
Our first date was at Topgolf. When I arrived he was already waiting at the bay. His blue eyes were literally sparkling in the sun. You couldn’t help but notice. I told him this after I had a hard cider in me. After the game, we decided the night wasn’t over. We were hungry and it was my cheat meal night. We went to Chuy’s and he won my heart with a bowl of queso.
Skip ahead and we are now engaged and will be getting married in Spring of 2018.
It was a Sunday, just under two weeks until our dating anniversary. I thought our anniversary was surely when he’d propose. I knew he had the ring. He had rented a cabin. We were going to Blackwater Falls. A perfect backdrop in my opinion. We’d be unplugged from our phones. Just the two of us in nature. We had been tentatively planning on attending a photography get-together at the McKee Beshers sunflower fields. So, that’s what we did on this average Sunday. We loaded our camera gear into his pickup and got on the road. There’s this pose we do together. Nothing unique, but it’s “our pose.”
It had been awhile since we had taken a photo like this so we decided to dress a little better than usual. For me, that meant losing the skinny jeans. I threw on a sundress and some heeled booties. When we arrived at McKee Beshers, it was a little drizzly, but eventually stopped. The gravel road in and dirt paths throughout were muddy, which made my walk into the fields a little slow. We came to the first field of sunflowers. It was gorgeous, but it was busy. So we kept walking until we found a cut through to a smaller field. There were two other people in this field who left shortly after we arrived.
Peter and I began taking photos of the scene and he had me play model for a few shots. Then it was time for our shot. We took the first using the timer setting on his Canon. Peter went back to see if it had turned out (it had). He said no, we needed to redo it. He told me to turn back around and not to move that way I was lined up just right to block the sun for the photo. So I stood there facing away with my hand extended waiting for him to take it. He did, but then he kneeled. To be truthful, the only words I heard him say were my name and “rest of my life.” He placed his grandmother’s ring on my finger, after asking if my giggles and squeal were a “yes.” Just a few moments later, some of our photographer friend’s found our little spot. Peter told them the exciting news and they began taking our engagement photos right then.
You can find a lot of creepy, unpleasant people on dating apps. People who will ghost you. Just try to hook up with you. Have false profile pictures and lie to you about their age.
But if you are brave enough and patient enough, you can find the real thing if you just keep swiping and being a decent human being.