The Rules of Love (& Basketball)

In the game of love, we’re in the thick of preseason, ladies & gentlemen. Cuffing season is coming in hot. Guys & girls everywhere are looking to snuggle up with a cutie for the winter months. But don’t be fooled. Because in the game of love, there are a few rules. If you don’t follow them, you’re going to miss out. Full on air ball. This is a competition. Play the damn game.

If you need a refresher on the Cuffing Season schedule, just go ahead and refresh your memory with this tweet. Welcome to Preseason, y’all. If you made it this far, kudos to you. But don’t forget, there’s still time for cuts.

This one is dedicated to all of my Villanova Wildcats. And for my male readers, if any, this is a message for you from all of us. Shoot your damn shots.

*Shout out to Kasia (Ampersand) for collabing with me on this one. You the real MVP, Kash.

We’re on the road to the Championship, baby. But to keep with the theme of love and basketball, don’t forget that to be a starter, you’ve gotta prove that you can make it off the bench. If you wanna win, the first thing you need to do is be the Jay Wright of your love life. Make all the right moves on the sidelines, and your players will deliver. And look smooth doin’ it.

Rule #1: Shooters Shoot. 

What are you waiting for? Shoot your shot. This is something that guys say constantly. The same guys that say #SAFTB, usually (We see you, Barstool). But I think it’s time that the ladies claim this rule. What do you think, girls? If you read my blog, you’ve already heard of power moves only. Well, welcome to the power moves only of cuffing season, folks.

See that guy over there by the bar? Think he’s hot? Swoop in there and give him a compliment. What do you have to lose? See an open basket and take the damn shot. Buckets.

How about that hot guy you’ve been flirting with over Snapchat? Shoot your shot and send him your number instead. Shooters shoot, & honestly, swish.

Hey boys, we see you sliding into our Instagram DMs after we post that fire selfie. How about when you reply to our snap stories to start a convo? We see you. But you know what we want? A text. Shoot. your. shot.

There’s nothing less attractive than when you provide a guy with an open basket, practically bounce passing the ball right in his hands, a clear path for a layup and he doesn’t take the shot. Here’s a little secret from us girls: we want you to take the shot. Because you know what happens when you don’t shoot your shot?

You get benched.

Rule #2: Passers get benched.

In a real game of basketball, obviously you need to pass. But you pass when you don’t think you have the clear shot. You pass when you’re getting pressed and you see someone else with an open shot. In THIS game, you pass when you don’t think you have the shot with someone or when you’re being just plain lazy. What fun is that? If we see other guys out there making all the shots, taking their chances, zooming around the girls that are giving them the full-court press & making them work—we take notice. When you have an open opportunity to make a fire three (Girl: “hey, what are you doing tonight?” or “hey, you should call me”) and you decide to PASS? Guess what, you’re gonna get benched. It’s like Kris Jenkins with the buzzer beater three (#NattyChamps)—clear shot, he took it, he became a champion.

Same applies for you. You see a shot, you shoot it. If you pass it, you ain’t gonna be a champion. UNLESS you’re Ryan Arcidiacono. But we’ll get to him later.

Rule #3: Don’t forget heavy defense. Press ’em.

Ladies, this one’s for you. There are going to be plenty of guys who take their shots without an open net. There will even be guys who ram right into you, full-on offensive foul style (clap clap you suuuuuck #villanovabasketball), and make you question their whole game. Don’t back down. In this game, your defense needs to be on point. There will be times when shots are coming at you full force. This is when you need to be strategic. Selective. The offensive players who know how to play the game, and play it will, will take it to the net to get the buckets. But of course, they need to earn it.

Rule #4: Keep your Hail Mary’s to a minimum

It’s like we keep saying—SHOOT THE SHOT. Take the chance. But don’t kid yourself, you know when a Hail Mary is a Hail Mary. By all means, go for it. Do what feels right. Even do what us unathletic girls would do and toss the ball underhand between the legs and into the basket #SPORTS. But keep those Hail Mary’s and those trick shots few and far between. Nobody likes someone with a sloppy game. Work on the precision and people will take notice.

Rule #5: Don’t sleep on the bench mob

There are always those few guys/girls that are hanging in the shadows ready to impress. Whether they’re there to dazzle you with their down-to-the-wire, coming in clutch plays or  their sheer enthusiasm on the bench, don’t sleep on them. If you give them the chance, they might even shine. But if they don’t shoot their shots, back to the bench. Enthusiasm is very underrated—you’d be surprised how a little effort and good #ATTITUDE can change the whole game.

Rule #6: Be a strategic point guard.

Sometimes you don’t always have a clear shot. “What if I’m not open for a three?” you ask. “What if I want to be a shooter but my shots just aren’t falling?” Then you play point guard. For those of you less basketball-savvy, the point guard is kind of like the quarterback of basketball. He sees the whole picture. He sees the defense and the opponent. He dribbles down the court, creates a strategic plan based on what he sees and then calls a play. If he’s a good point guard, that play ends with a bucket. Sometimes you need to feel a girl out. See what kind of defense she’s playing. Figure out how to perfectly set up your shot so it swishes right through the net. That’s cool—we respect a good point guard. However, don’t dribble for too long because then you’ll miss your opportunity. After all, point guards have the power to make fire plays (lookin’ at you, Archie, with you buzzer three’s).

This cuffing season, don’t forget to play by the rules. Keep your eyes on on the prize. Don’t let the stress of the game shake you. With the right strat, you’ll be sitting pretty come Feb. 14 as a champ. As for the madness of March, that I’m not so sure I can help you with.


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