Why You Should Retrain Your Brain Post-Heartbreak

STOP HERE. Catch up on Hayley’s Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 before reading.

Chapter 3: Insane in the Membrane.

Heartache.  We have all felt it. If you haven’t, I sort of envy you, but not that much.  It really changes us. It builds so much character. The only lesson I ever take seriously in all of those cheesy romance movies when the girl gets her heartbroken, is that when the lead actress has a plot twist that shakes up her life. Instead of staying at UCLA, she decides to go to Harvard. Instead of crying at home, she decides to go eat all the Italian food, learn about different spiritual practices and falls in love again. You know, because you can’t just simply just roll out of bed like nothing happened and just get over it. You gotta get real extra and make some big, crazy changes. Just like in the movies.

Something I really struggle with when going through breakups is erasing someone out of my life. Everything about them is a trigger. Seeing their name show up on my phone makes my heart race. Things around my room make me think of him. (Remember how he set up my shelves? Yeah…They are back on the floor again.) Hearing certain songs makes me think of him. I just can’t fight the triggers.  

When we see triggers, we feel it in our hearts, and we automatically relate that to heartache. We feel it there, so they must still have control of our heart. However, I decided to flip the script. After doing some research…aka listening to a certain podcast by a certain f*ckboi who should have just stayed with KRISTINA cause D-LO is the worst…Okay. Okay. I will stop. You know who I am talking about.

On this particular podcast, a therapist spoke about how YOUR love is YOUR LOVE. It does not belong to anyone else. What makes us hold on to past memories is not the person who broke us. We hold our hearts, we own our hearts. Why we are triggered is because during love and intimate relationships, we free-up certain areas of our brain for that person. It’s almost like an endorphin that releases in our brain whenever we see of hear of something related to this person. It is not our heart.

Let’s think positively about this. We were able to free up a part of our BRAIN for another human, the most confusing and unknown organ in our bodies that human-kind has yet to really sort out. Since we have trained it to think one way, we can convince it otherwise.  Freeing up that space in your brain is going to help you with your heart. So instead of saying heartache, let’s change it to brain break.

Here are three activities and steps I have taken to retrain my brain:

Structuring my life to the very minute

Okay, people are going to think I am crazy, but having a schedule or a to-do list that is very structured and precise will help. Knowing where you are going, what you are doing and more importantly what your GOAL is. Yes, keeping busy can be very stressful if you overschedule yourself, but it doesn’t have to be strenuous or stressful! Schedule in an hour of TV, schedule in your sleep-in. It feels damn good to finish a to-do list at the end of the day and know that you rocked your day! Trust me, these little accomplishments and focusing on yourself will distract you from the f*ckboi you’re trying to forget.

Phone goes OFF at 9pm…(well, on airplane mode at least)

If I do not have my phone on me every second, on the second, I freak. I am on Instagram every 12 minutes, at least. Putting my phone down and just having some me-time (also part of my daily schedule) has really helped me calm down. I do have those moments where I hope that his name will pop up on my phone in text, or that he will call, but sitting and staring at my phone has made me go insane. It’s an odd feeling to sit and watch TV without looking at two screens. I would miss episodes of my favorite shows I had waited to watch all week because I was constantly scrolling through my phone on Twitter, Tinder, Pinterest… It’s just not worth it. I challenge you to sit with your own thoughts for an hour or two at night. If you really need to talk to someone, try having a human conversation! Call them. (Just not him!)

Self-love dance party

Over this month I have been trying really hard to cut out some bad habits. Everything from eating too much chocolate to leaving dirty dishes in the sink for too long, they are all coming to an end and I am taking control of that! Every night before I go to bed, I fill my sink up with soapy water and I begin my 7-step beauty routine. I have 7 different types of cleansers, scrubs, and other overpriced serums I use on my scaly-dry skin. This is my form of self love. Each night, I pick a different decade to listen to, have a wild ass dance party and wash my face. I don’t text about it, I don’t Snapchat about it. I just have my moment, and it makes me feel good. I remember why I am great. I make myself laugh. I prove that I care for myself as I wash my face. I dream of the day my husband is dancing along with me, and we are being goofy. This small act of self-care has really helped me, and I go to bed feeling way better. Remember, my phone is off by this point, so all I know is I have a bedtime scheduled in, and tomorrow is a new day.

Retrain your brain. You don’t have to go to Italy, change careers or cut your hair off. Just small simple activities will relieve you from your brain break!


BIG THANKS TO HAYLEY AGAIN FOR SHARING. Hope you all enjoyed this three-part series!

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