I Live in a Small Town and I Swiped All My Options Away. Now What?

From Hayley.

So, I am at a weird point in my life. I am feeling quite lonely, and quite ready to meet my great, forever love. I feel like I finally have my sh*t (somewhat) together! I have a stable job, I am out of my parents basement finally…I made pancakes for the first time yesterday. I am ready for wifey status! Well, we won’t go that far. But I am ready to start taking those steps.

I live in a town where I feel I have exhausted every possible love-relationship. Either, I have dated every person I felt any possible connection with, or everyone is somehow related to or familiar with my exes. Or I know their exes. Or we had math class together. It’s just one of those classic small-town situations. Everyone is separated by two degrees, at max.

This can be frustrating, because it can leave you feeling quite isolated. It can also be a positive, because it will not take long to see their dirty laundry once its aired. Plus, you usually have a great safety net to fall back on to, with many people who understand what you have gone through or are about to go through.

Since I am feeling so confident in my relationship capabilities, I feel like I have been going a little overboard with the swiping situation. You know, those nights where you lay in bed constantly refreshing your dating apps?  Hoping a new boy will enter your 20 mile of thirst radius?  I even find myself focusing a little too hard when I am out on a Saturday night with my girlfriends. I am constantly scanning the crowd, who is my next boyfriend? Is he here? Do I look okay?

This is where we come to the fork in the road. And we must choose. Do I really want to get to know this person, or am I infatuated about the idea of a person, any person, being in my life again?

For me, it’s the latter.

I have met some really nice guys, but none have given me those first-encounter jitters or butterflies I once had in past relationships. Sure, there is excitement, but what I have noticed is that right away I am making a pro’s and con’s list in my head. He is smart, but I don’t really think I am attracted to him. He seems very respectful, but he lives too far away. He is very charming, but he works in my building.

I want to be blinded by love. I want love to be easy. Because I feel myself pushing so desperately for a relationship with people that may not line up with my values and interests.

Now, sometimes it does take time to realize the person right in front of you is the person for you. It is possible that some of the negatives you see in them may actually cause a spark down the line. However, if the cons have anything to do with attraction, personality, or values…maybe it’s not the right person.

Who knows though.

So what do you do? You let go and stop trying to MAKE it happen.


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