Hello I’m back!
There was a lot about blogging that I really seriously did NOT like. I hated feeling inauthentic in Instagram posts or sharing sponsored content #ad.
I hated the pressure to post certain things at certain times, get a certain number of followers, etc.
I was annoyed with people who attempted to call me out for posts I shared. I lost sight of what this whole thing was about.
No hate to anyone who does any of that whatsoever. Get that Instagram money. That’s just not what this is about for me.
I started this because I love writing more than anything and I love sharing that with other people. So I’m bringing back F-Perfection to do just that. You won’t find me on Instagram sharing sponsored content. I won’t regularly be sharing my favorite makeup products of the month or fashion-related content. I’ll be sharing whatever I damn well please, with no editorial calendar, no pressure on followers, and no strategy aside from sharing my stories with other people. That’s it.
So I hope you’ll rejoice in the fact that F-Perfection has risen from the dead 😉 Now, a little more about what led me to this decision.
*But thank you so much to you, whoever you are, for reading my little piece of the Internet and for sharing your time with me.
A few months ago, I deleted F-Perfection because I was overwhelmed. I felt a little bit like I did before I started this whole thing, a little over a year ago, but about different aspects of my life.
I was in the midst of my Master’s program and wrapping up the last semester of my first year. Since I was #thriving in the program, I started really picturing myself going onto a PhD program after I graduated.
As if I haven’t said it enough (lol) I’m a perfectionist. Remember, that’s what this is about. Saying f-it to all of the expectations we place on ourselves.
However, because I am human, I got sucked into the vortex of perfection yet again.
I didn’t only make the decision to pursue a PhD program, but I was full. speed. ahead. When I make a decision about something, I am ALL about it. Sometimes this gets me in over my head, when I realize the decision may not be the right one.
Exhibit A is right here.
I started researching programs, having informational interviews, even scheduling interviews and planning trips ACROSS THE COUNTRY. I was rearranging my course load and planning my thesis project.
I was about to spontaneously combust because I was planning for something I wasn’t even totally sure I wanted.
My new therapist (God bless her soul) gave me two pieces of advice that have changed the effing game.
- She told me to throw out my planner (check out my post about that on Kasia’s blog here) AKA chill the hell out, Sam.
- She told me to check my values and see how they line up with the choices I’m making
Number two seriously rocked my world. Yes, throwing out my planner was sort of like a symbolic way of letting go the RIDICULOUS pressures I put on myself. But your values? Those are things that you THINK you know, because they’re obviously so important to us, but you’d be surprised how little you think about it.
She had me do this exercise (also, Kasia talks about it in a blog post here too! I’m the friend she mentions hehe) that nearly brought me to tears. It just all made sense. *Seriously, check out Kasia’s blog if you want to try for yourself, but I’ll give a quick rundown.
- There are fifty or so cards that have words on them with short descriptions of what they mean.
- You put them into three piles – most important, important and least important, in terms of what they mean to you.
- Then, you get rid of the important and least important piles and start narrowing down the remaining most important pile. First to ten, and then to your top five.
I went through this exercise pretty quickly and wasn’t totally surprised by what I came up with, but looking down at the cards before me I realized why I felt so out of whack about decisions I was making.
I won’t go into detail about my top values right now, but my number one is of course most important. For me, it’s purpose.
Purpose: to have meaning and direction in my life
That’s what’s #1 for me. Whenever I’m making a decision, it should all come back to purpose. How is this going to bring me to my purpose? How is this going to get me there? That starts with getting really serious about what my purpose is (and for me, I think that’s loving and caring for others, and sharing my stories).
At the end of the day, my pursuit for a PhD was completely ego driven (yo, perfectionism). I wanted to be able to say I did it. And yeah honestly, I still do.
But moving across the country to a program I’m not totally sure about when I love Philadelphia, have a great job and want to have a family here some day are higher on the list of things I value than feeding my ego.
Sooooo that’s why I’m back.
F-Perfection gave me the opportunity to feed my purpose a little more. So I’m going to use it as a tool to serve that purpose whenever I get the chance, and whenever I freaking feel like it.
And I hope you enjoy, laugh at my ridiculous stories and share yours with me again. It means so much.