Sometimes inspiration strikes me to write during the weirdest of times. So when it does, I whip out my phone and type in my notes the minute I have a chance.
Well, reporting live from me typing frantically from my notes. This is inspired by a date I had.
*No I’m not going to review the date. Yes it went pretty great. That’s not what this is about.*
If you haven’t already gathered or if you’re somehow new here, I’m pretty open and honest about how I feel. I believe in shooting your shot, making the power moves when necessary and just freaking going for it when it comes to love. I’m here to say I don’t think that many agree with me. At least in my gender. (And no, I know, that’s generalizing. But for the sake of this post that’s what I’m saying. PLEASE feel free to prove me wrong).
On this date, we got into talking about games. I started talking about how I’ve felt played so many times in the past, where I felt like I had to guess the guys next move and adjust my feelings and actions accordingly. And how I freaking hated that. My date said he feels like girls want to play games. To me, that’s just not fun. But I couldn’t disagree completely. I just think 20-something dating society tells us we should.
I’m the girl who whines when her friends want to play beer pong so why would I play games in my daily life.
I started to explain that I feel like there’s almost this pressure that I feel as a girl to, in a way, play a game to “get the guy.” Books like “Why Men Love Bitches” tell girls to not make yourself too available, make the guy work for it, guys “love the chase” so make them chase you.
In Facebook groups I’m in, girls ask for advice about guys and what they should do. No shade to these girls, but what I see half the time is upsetting.
“This guy I’m seeing wants me to come over before he leaves for a trip the next day, but is so tired and has to pack. His roommate is home and they’re just watching football, but said he’d love for me to swing by so he can see me before he goes. What do I do?”
The responses to this legitimately pissed me off. Comments on top of comments all saying “Girl don’t go!”
Look, I understand that men ROYALLY messed things up in 2018. They don’t have the best reputation right now. Nor should they. Totally understood. But why can’t we take things at face value? Why are we constantly looking for fine print?
“He said he would really love to see me before he goes. But does he really want to see me?”
Like… yeah girl, I think he does!
When I explained this scenario to my date, he laughed. He told me that he, and most men he knows, hate games too! I mean maybe guys aren’t as open and honest with their feelings as girls, but some guys don’t love the chase. My date said some guys want to be chased too.
Some guys have bad intentions. Some girls have bad intentions. We’re all flawed as human beings. I get having your guard up and not wanting to get hurt. Trust me I think my guard is permanently stuck up.
I think it’s time that we (men and women) quit playing games.
Here’s the deal. No one wants to be alone. Unless you do, which I guess is fine.
If you like someone, tell them. If you want to hang out with a guy, just GO. If you want to go out with a guy but he hasn’t asked you out yet, just ask him. If you’re waiting for a girl to text you back but she hasn’t, see what’s up if you want to. Playing games is one thing, but taking risks is another. You’re never going to find what you ultimately want, especially if that’s a relationship in the end, if you don’t just go for it, get a little uncomfortable and do what feels right to you.
In my twenties, I feel like the amount of time I wasted waiting around to get a text back from a guy I was into or questioned what it meant that he sent me a Snapchat but hasn’t answered my text is borderline embarrassing.
So let’s quit wasting time. And quit playing games with other people’s hearts.
If you’re real about what you want, you’ll get it. It’s all taken care of.
And now I leave you with the songbirds of our generation.